Always Have Fun
Courage Means Fighting the Fear
As the weather warms, so too do our hearts and libidos. Many singles find themselves wanting a little romance to wile away the long summer nights.
With the right attitude, dating can be a lot easier than it looks. Dating isn’t rocket science, and counter to what the authors of various dating books want us to believe, dating isn’t a game of deceit and manipulation.
Dating is simply an opportunity to go out and play with someone new. It doesn’t have to raise our blood pressure or lower our self-esteem. It won’t make or break us.
There is no standard of perfection upon which to measure our meager efforts. While we can certainly keep our eyes on the prize, a meaningful romantic relationship dating shouldn’t become an intellectualized effort to conquer or prevail.
If we relax and let ourselves have a good time, dating can be as easy as A-B-C. What follows is some old-fashioned dating advice; something your mother might have whispered into your ear right before a ninth grade dance. Read it once, but don’t write it down or memorize it.
This is just a reminder that you learned your ABC’s many years ago. You already know everything you need to know about dating.
Always Have Fun
Unfortunately, dating has become an activity fraught with angst, frustration and performance anxiety. We can be uptight, insecure, and meticulously analyze every detail, expecting to find answers in our heads, rather than in our hearts.On a first date we worry about the impression we are making. Are we tall enough? Thin enough? Young enough? Hip enough? Since our self-assessments always seem to come up short we carefully steer the email exchanges or face-to-face conversations in another direction, hoping to cover up our numerous failings and inadequacies. This misguided effort to control casual conversations ends up stifling it.
As we strive to become the perfect date – the one with the right job, the right wardrobe, a stunning intellectual prowess and stellar conversational abilities – we lose some of the spontaneity, charm and personality that is uniquely ours and we aren’t much fun.
This is a step in the wrong direction because we are a better date and are percieved to be our most attractive when we are laughing and having a good time. And if we suppress who we are, then no one will see us. We must be seen to be known and to be loved.
It is seldom our perfection, and more likely our humorous idiosyncrasies and imperfections that kindle the fires of chemistry. So loosen up and let yourself go.
Do’s and Dont’s
Here are some do’s and don’t for your next date:
Do get out of your own head and stop analysing every detail. If it helps to loosen you up, have a drink (just one). Pay attention to what you are feeling. Take deep breaths. Relax.
Do drop your professional persona. Laugh. Flirt. Tease a little. Wear something decidedly unbusinesslike. Change your tone of voice. Be playful.
Don’t self-censure. Share most of your thoughts and ideas as they come up. Take a conversational risk or two. Don’t steer the conversation. Instead, see where it takes you.
Don’t over think every possible behavioral choice. Dating isn’t chess. Go with your gut instinct and make a move.
Do something fun and laugh a lot. Take your date rollerblading, or to the beach to fly a kite. Go see some stand-up comedy. Act as though your date was an old friend-someone you can count on to enjoy a good time.